Overhearing Compliments

 You know how your eyes begin to sparkle and your ears intently listen when you overhear someone saying something nice about you?  Well I've started to tell "baby sister" things about Brayden when I know he can hear me.  I'll say things to Hailey like, "Did you know that your big brother loves to share and think of others?  Yesterday I was so happy to see him giving his snacks to his friends on the playground.... Brayden can teach you how to put your bowl in the sink when you are all done (trying to reinforce good behavior because he thinks chucking his food across the room is a fun game).... Brayden loves to read books and learn new things.... He wants to teach you everything because you two are best friends."

I can see him out of the corner of my eye and Brayden is completely beaming and grinning and I can hear him agree "yeah. oh yeah."  I sometimes use this technique to get him to do something I want like, "Hailey, did you know that Brayden is really good at putting the blocks away?!  I bet he can show you sometime."  And sure enough, he comes running over.

Man are those kids listening to EVERYTHING we say, especially when it is about them.  I also like to tell "Daddy" all about Brayden when I know he can overhear.  I think these sincere statements are affirming to their sense of belonging and identity.

Sleeping through the NIGHT!

Oh this is such a huge deal for all parents when their little one finally sleeps through the night!  And it seems to be a process that parents have to keeping coming back to as their children go through different stages.  There so much conflicting ideas out there on what to do and when to do it.  But, here has been our experience:

As far as worrying about if you should wake a newborn up in the middle of the night to nurse, most pediatricians say:  once they have regained all their birth weight back, you can wait to nurse until they wake up on their own during the night. (unless they are premature)

I ended up waiting until both of our kids were 8 months old to do a version of "cry it out."  We probably could have done it sooner, but I felt that our kids were too young previously, I didn't mind nursing once or twice during the night even though they probably didn't need it, and I just kept putting sleep training off with all the stuff we had going on like moving.  Once we were ready, here's what we did:

• We established a bedtime routine each night to help baby wind down and get drowsy
• We had to break the association between sleep-crutches and sleeping, so I didn't feed or rock baby to sleep
• Put baby down with lovey drowsy but awake
• The first night - after crying for 5 minutes I went in to quickly comfort and then walked out again.  Then I waited 10 and then another 20 minutes and so on until she had soothed herself to sleep.  I wonder if it's less confusing for them if you don't do in at all, but I wanted to be there.  
• The next night or two, just keeping lengthening how long you wait before quickly reassuring.  
• It took 2-3 nights and we had a baby sleeping through the night!
• It's hard but remind yourself that you can do hard things, your baby can do hard things, and you are teaching her sleep skills which will improve her overall health and happiness.  Put on a good movie if it helps you.  I'll admit with Brayden I was crying through "Finding Nemo" :)
• When they would wake up once in the middle of the night, we did the same "cry it out" method - actually I don't think we even went in the room.  I had a video monitor which I am so grateful for!

Many authors of sleep books recommend starting certain techniques from a very early age which naturally help babies into a good routine.  I know parents who have used these ideas below and it really helped their children to continuously lengthen their night time stretches.  

• Click Here for my notes on the book "Baby Wise"
• Click Here for my notes on the book "The Baby Whisperer"
• Many pediatricians I have spoken with suggest waiting until 4-6 months before trying to do sleep training, meaning like "cry it out"

Sleeping at Different Stages

I like some of the ideas in the book "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West.  She talks about sleep issues for each stage of your baby/toddler's development.  Here's word-for-word a quick look at each stage:  (read the book for more detailed info and solutions)

THE FIRST MONTH (0-4 WEEKS):
"For the first week, babies typically sleep a total of sixteen to eighteen hours, about half during the night and half spread out over four daytime naps.  By the end of the first month, they sleep an average of fifteen and a half to seventeen hours total, about eight and a half to ten hours at night and six to seven hours during the day spread over three to four naps.  They will still wake up two or three times at night for feedings but should go back to sleep quickly."


THE SECOND MONTH (4-8 WEEKS):
"Babies sleep on average fifteen and a half to seventeen hours total, eight and a half to ten hours at night and six to seven hours during the day, spread over three or four naps.  Some will now wake only once a night to be fed, although others will still need two overnight feedings for a few more weeks."


THE THIRD MONTH (8-12 WEEKS):
"Babies this age on average need fifteen hours of sleep, ten at night and five spread out over three daytime naps.  Many babies can sleep six to eight hours at a stretch before needing a night feeding.  By the end of the month, most should sleep eight hours uninterrupted" [wow, that seems really generous to me, but awesome if that's really the case!]


THE FOURTH AND FIFTH MONTHS:
"At four months babies should be able to sleep about eight hours at night without a feeding, and by five months they go for about ten or eleven hours.  They sleep four to five hours during the day, spread out over three naps."

SIX TO EIGHT MONTHS:
"At this age, babies need an average of eleven hours of uninterrupted nighttime sleep and three and a half hours of daytime naps spread over two to three naps." [It wasn't until 8 months that we did a "cry it out" method and got both our babies to sleep through the night.  So, if your baby isn't quite there yet, there is still hope!]
*Separation anxiety has its first peak at this age and it increases when babies are overtired.
*A lovey (stuffed animal or blanket) can be a useful tool to ease separation anxiety and weaken other sleep-disrupting nighttime habits.
*Babies increased mobility at this age can cause some new sleep problems.
*A good schedule or routine can transform a tired and fussy baby into a rested and contented one.  I don't recommend completely rigid schedules, but I do recommend devoting a few weeks to really focusing on your child's sleep.
*At this age you should usually allow 20-30 minutes [of the bedtime routine] plus whatever time you need for bathing and pajamas.  [We started this process a little after 6ish for bath, bottle, book, song to our baby to be ready to lay down drowsy but awake at around 7ish]
*[To eliminate a nighttime feeding, try a] dream feed, which means you wake her for a final feeding before your own bedtime, probably around 11:00pm.  Or you can wait until she wakes up, as long as it's at least eight hours after her last feeding, which usually means around 3 or 4am.  But be consistent with one approach and stick to it.  And only feed her once at night, and not again until at least 6:00am.  If she wakes wanting food at a time you don't plan on feeding her, find other ways of soothing her.  Click Here to see how we got our kids to sleep through the night.
*Many of us walk or rock our newborns to sleep... but if your child is six months or older it may be time to phase it out.  [Read the book for more details.]
*[She also has sections on pacifiers, early birds, co-sleeping, and napping.]

NINE TO TWELVE MONTHS:
"Babies at this age on average need eleven hours of sleep at night and three during the day.  At nine months, babies should nap for about and hour and a half in the morning and about one and a half to two hours in the afternoon.  Most have given up that brief, third late-afternoon nap.  By twelve months, the morning nap is about an hour and the afternoon nap is about an hour and a half."


THIRTEEN TO EIGHTEEN MONTHS:
"At this age toddlers need an average of eleven and a quarter hours of uninterrupted sleep at night and two and a quarter to two and a half hours during the day.  Children at the younger end of this age bracket take two naps, in the morning and afternoon, but by eighteen months they consolidate to one midday or afternoon nap."  [When Brayden was 15 months old he was in the awkward stage where some days he would take 1 nap and other days 2 naps]

ONE AND A HALF TO TWO AND A HALF YEARS OLD:
An eighteen-month-old on average sleeps eleven and a quarter hours at night and two and a quarter hours during one midday or afternoon nap.  At age two, sleep requirements drop to eleven hours at night and two during the day.  Over the next year that will drop to ten and a half hours at night and one and a half during the day.  Remember these are averages but variations should not be huge.  Watch your child's daytime behavior for clues to whether he or she needs more sleep.

TWO AND A HALF TO FIVE YEARS OLD:
Between ages two and three, average sleep needs drop to about ten and a half hours a night [my 2 1/2 year old still sleeps 12 hours at night and about 2 hours during his nap], plus an hour-and-a-half afternoon nap.  Four-year-olds need eleven and a half hours at night, and most no longer nap daily although they do need about forty-five minutes of quiet time each afternoon and possibly and occasional nap.  Five-year-olds sleep about eleven hours a night and afternoon quiet time is still beneficial.

Letter Associations

My good friend Becky teaches Kindergarten, and I went in one day to volunteer just for fun... and I also picked up on some great ideas.  She played this song and they add did actions to it...

Another example is...

The 5 year olds totally loved it!  So, I started teaching my 18-month-old to associate a written letter with a certain word.  I had a white board on the fridge right across from his highchair.  So, during meals I'd write letters and we'd work on it.  We started with one letter and slowly added more and more until he could do this...

Type Away

Recently, Brayden really likes to type letters on the keyboard and watch them show up on the screen.  We can talk about what each letter sounds like.  Or, I can ask, "Can you find the letter M?"  or "What letter sounds like Mama?"  or "How old will you be when you go to school?"  This teaches them about letters & numbers and it helps him feel like a big boy :)

Stories Come to Life

Since little kids learn best by DOING, then try to act out stories as you read!  

 I love the book "Clap Your Hands" by Cauley since you can easily do everything you read.

 I adore Karen Katz books.  One time while reading "Grandma & Me" we baked cookies in the oven!

 While reading the "Daddy & Me" book I pull out Brayden's toolbox and have him find each of the tools on each page.  One day we made the little "dog house" out of a shoebox and decorated it.

These books are great to follow and act out in read life.  This is just really fun and also helps their comprehension.

Letter of the Week

I have been teaching Brayden a different letter for each week!  Well I do it for a couple weeks, take a break, and start it up again.  I'm just now on "C" and I started this over a month ago :).  During "C Week" for example, I pin up "C" on our bulletin board.

We do a "letter bag" where I pin the letter C on a fun gift bag and fill it with things like... Car, Candy, Cottonball, Crayon, Cat... so he learns different words that start with that letter.

 I check out lots of books from the library whose titles have the letter C.  Or, I just get out books we already have.

• Click Here to Download Letters
• Spend $2 at the dollar store buying 2 things that start with the letter C.
• Practice writing that letter on a white board/paper and shaping the letter with play dough/string/beads
• Display the books on these fun rain gutter book shelves... Click Here
• Point out the Letter of the Week as you see it around town.
• For "B" week, make Bread together.  For "C" week, make Cupcakes!

Forts & Flashlights

Brayden has loved making forts ... out of big boxes, blankets, cushions,... grabbing our head lights, and gathering tons of books and pillows to read together.  Just changing the scene can make reading so much fun!  We even sometimes bring little snacks in there, and he also enjoys coloring the big cardboard box to make it his own.

Blessings of FAMILY WORK

In my very favorite BYU Family Life class we read an article entitled "Family Work" by Kathleen Bahr & Cheri Loveless.  It has forever stuck with me.  Many times the feeding, cleaning, and nurturing of family work can seem so mundane and ordinary, but here is what they proclaim as the blessings of working together as a family:


CONNECTING: Chores often require little mental concentration leaving our minds free to focus on one another as we work together.  I love going to my in-laws and working side by side in the kitchen because we bond together as we talk, laugh, and share.

CONTRIBUTE: Because household work is often menial, even the smallest child can make a meaningful contribution.  Give kids OWNERSHIP by showing them you "need" their help and even labeling your child's name on their own scrub brush or broom or gloves.  Brayden loves to stand on my bathroom sink and try to "help" wipe it with windex.  He could stand at that kitchen sink for hours "helping" me wash the dishes.  He's ecstatic about having his very own kitchen drawer full of his own cleaning tools like his toy knife that he gets out to help me scrap junk off the floor.  We've got to involve them in tons of cleaning while they still think it is so cool to be just like mom and dad!


DISCUSSING DIFFICULT TOPICS: Working side by side tends to dissolve feelings of hierarchy, making it easier for children to discuss topics of concern with their parents. I know one mom who noticed one of her sons was quiet at the dinner table, so as they were finishing up she asked that he help her with the dishes.  He was able to open up about his day as they worked and talked one-on-one.  Family work invites intimate conversation between parent and child.


REPETITION BRINGS US TOGETHER: One frustrating quality of family work is that almost as quickly as it is done, it must be redone.  Dust gathers, dirt accumulates, beds get messed up, children get hungry and dirty, meals are eaten, clothes become soiled.  The work is never done.  However, each rendering of a repetitive task is a new invitation for all to enter the family circle and create a sense of belonging and identity.  Forging family ties and identity is built moment by moment amidst the talking and teasing, the singing and storytelling, and even the quarreling and anguish that may attend such work sessions.


A CALL TO ENACT LOVE: Family work provides opportunities for us to show our love to our family.  My brother-in-law Joe said of his sweet wife, "Every time I bite into one of Kristin's meals, I fall in love with her all over again!"  Meeting our family's needs shows them that we love and care for them.


God gave us WORK as A LINK TO ONE ANOTHER, as a LINK TO HIM, as a stepping stone toward salvation.  Working together (as a family and with God) has the power to transform our very natures.  Christ chose the washing of the feet - a task ordinarily done in His time by the most humble of servants.  When Peter objected, Christ made clear the importance of participating and serving: "If I wash thee not, thou has no part with me."  Spiritually, we sacrifice our pride and invite God to wash our own souls from sin.  So to in our families, we become one as we work together.

Cooking Survival

This was taken when we were engaged back in the day!

Here's my sad face after spending way too long on split pea soup to accidentally add 2 whole tablespoons of salt rather than 2 teaspoons.  I had to pour it down the drain, and I quickly learned my lesson :)

If you clicked on this to get answers from someone who always has a complete, healthy, yummy dinner on the table each night you have come to the wrong place!  But, I do think learning to cook for our families is an important skill … one which is developing still through much trial and error.   It’s tricky to figure out how to cook on a student budget, how to get your kids to eat new things, how to find the right recipes, how to find the time to make the meal, and then how to face the mounds of dishes cooking creates afterwards!  Even with all this craziness, I keep on trying.  I really do enjoy the idea of cooking and how it can be a form of art, but more than that, I enjoy even more the look on my husband’s face when he bites into something delicious.  Doesn’t always happen, but it is a thrill for me.  Here are some ideas that have helped me survive in the kitchen:

• Over the last 3 years of marriage I think I have at least improved as a cook mostly just by trying and failing through lots of different recipes.  Ask tons of other moms for their tried and true recipes.  Click my “recipes” tab to view a growing list of our favorites. 
• Cook up tons of chicken breasts, take off all the yucky parts, cube them, and store them in 2 cup measurments in the freezer.  This saves so much time as you just throw in the defrosted chicken into soups and enchiladas and such.  We’ve also done this to hamberger and even thrown in taco seasoning at times before freezing.  We don’t really eat red meat much anymore.
• Plan ahead of time!  Wow, this really does make all the difference if I will just take the time on the weekend to plan what meals I’m going to make that upcoming week so I can go grocery shopping. 
• Prepare foods in advance.  Sometimes I’ll make homemade lasagna the night before or a casserole in the morning so I can just pop it in the oven that night.  Or other times I’ll do some possible prep work the morning like chopping up carrots, making a roux, or knead pizza dough that you can throw in the fridge and pull out later to rise.
• The freezer has become my friend.  I’ve made lots of homemade guacamole when ingredients were on sale and then froze portions to quickly use later.  Diced onions also freeze well and save a lot of time and mess later.
• Growing your food storage.  Stocking up on often used cooking items when on sale has saved me so many times when I thought I might be out of something. 
• Some moms I know plan out the whole month’s meals at a time.  They assign each day to a different genre of foods like one night for Italian, Mexican, Crock-pot, Soups, etc to help add variety.  With this system, it gives them the framework to easily plug in meals and gather recipes.  When doing any planning, you quickly learn to be flexible but it really does help to have some kind of plan.
• I assume all moms have their quick staple meals they can whip out in minutes.  Many times we as moms are on the go or busy raising our families that we forget about dinner.  We often resort to grilled cheese (the tomato basil soup from Costco compliments this well), cheese quesadillas (with Lipton's Spanish rice side and guacamole if we're lucky), soups, and spaghetti.  Oh you've got to try our homemade oatmeal/whole wheat pancakes (many moms tell me these completely ruin them because they never can have a regular pancake ever again!  We whip up tons of pancake mix ahead of time and then throw in the liquid ingredients for a quick, yummy, healthy meal.  We probably eat this severals time each week).  What are your staple meals?!  
• If you have a hard time getting in your vegetables (or knowing how to cook them), click here to read about juicing!   
• Just the thought of coupons stresses me out, so I’ve learned to price-match at Wal-Mart instead!  This has saved us so much money.  Plus, you turn into a savvy shopper as you start to recognize what is a great deal.  Maybe I'm supporting a giant monopoly, but they do have low prices so that works for us.  All I do is go through our local grocery stores' ads online and write down the “price-match” as I write out our grocery list.  For example, next to onions I may write 33 cents a pound or fresh Tyson chicken for $1.50 a pound or a certain cereal for $1.50 each.   Then as you go through the Wal-Mart check-out (yes it is sometimes long) you just name the price and they quickly change it for you.  Generally, they are supposed to trust their customer’s word but stay clear from the old ladies.  They tend to give you a hard time.  Just make sure it’s from the current ads, it’s the correct size, and if a generic brand is on sale at a certain store than you can just get the “Great Value” brand at Wal-Mart for that price. Happy Shopping!

Feel free to share some of your cooking survival tips and I’ll add them to this list!!

Atrophy of the Brain

The day-to-day work of maintaining a home and taking care of all your littles can be so physically exhausting.  Or course we LOVE being a mommy and cherish those cute cubby cheeks and absolutely adore playing with our children.  But, we also know how taxing this work can be.  And, sometimes you feel so distanced from other adults and the outside world.  I really don’t want my brain to waste away :)  Sure our husbands love to hear about all the cute things the kids did that day … but I think they also appreciate having someone to chat with about the current issues of the day or having a companion with whom they can really learn and grow. 

We all need intellectual stimulation and adult connections.  We just have to creatively carve out time to make that happen. Here are some things I’ve tried:

• download some books on mp3 or great talks on your ipod and listen while attacking the mounds of dishes
• always carry a good book with you wherever you go.  You’ll be surprised and how many pages you can read here and there.
• once I subscribed to the Wall Street Journal newspaper so I had something tangible to peak out throughout the week.  I love how this newspaper has an easy read column to quickly catch you up on world and us events. 
• once I printed out colored maps of the united states, the world, favorite quotes, scriptures and laminated them to post on our shower wall.  You might as well have something fun to learn about while you wash your hair! 
• get a healthy dose of curiosity!  My husband is so good at researching things he is randomly interested in.  Like just the other night we were talking about the upcoming presidential election and we hoped online together and looked up some things in mid-conversation!  Steve wanted to find out exactly how the Senate and House worked.  I love how curious that boy is.
• Find things you are interested in and learn about them!  I enjoy going to the library and picking up children's books about various subjects.  Brayden enjoys them and I also can flip through and learn cool things too – like books about the ocean, dinosaurs, automobiles, animals, whatever!
• I love getting together with other mommies to do stuff with our kids.  Our little ones love to play with friends and go fun places, and it gives the moms time to connect about what they are going through.  Networking with other moms is so vital to our survival! 
• For a while I had one goal to learn one new thing every day.  With the craziness of tending little kids, this seemed realistic to me and motivated me to research one thing I was curious about.  My sister-in-law Tiffany has two goals a day: 1. learn one new thing  2. reach out and serve one person

Let me know if you’ve found any ways to combat atrophy of your brain, and I can add them to the list! 

"Love Journal"

Click here if you want to read about journaling for your kids.

When we were engaged, my sister-in-law Britt suggested that we have a special couple journal where we can write each other little notes and keep a fun record of our marriage.  So, we are still filling up that book I bought 3 years ago :), but it is such a precious treasure to me!  Sometimes for Mother’s Day or my birthday, I’ll find a surprise note from Steve.  Every now and then I'll get it out as we're brainstorming what we want to do for summer or some of our dreams.  It’s also a place where I paste in little memories – like one page of notes Steve took at the pre-birthing class I enrolled us in … or parts of the “Christmas Countdown” I did where I numbered each day of December and put on the back something I love about Steve and one fun thing we could do that night … or the cute and supportive note he wrote to me my first day alone with our toddler and new born babe!  Sometimes I write my latest thoughts about life or glue in some recent pictures. 

The key is to have this “Love Journal” out somewhere where you can easily see it and access it.  And, I have a spot right next to the journal where I can stack letters and memorabilia that I want to later paste in.  I already love to look through it and I think our kids will also enjoy it someday!  So…

Pick a book
Have it out
Make a stash nearby
And paste it in or write when you can!

Date Night Ideas!

I'll admit that I can count on one hand the times we've gotten a babysitter for our littles and gone out just the two of us.  With nursing and having little babies who crawl and stuff everything in their mouths, I find it hard to leave them with other people.  But I will also admit that the times Steve's mom has been so gracious to watch the kiddos - they have been some of our most special memories!  Every couple needs time to re-connect and to remember what they used to love to do together.  Once when Steve and I went rock-climbing, my Mother-in-Law suggested that we try to talk about the kids only 50% of the time :).  After we hit the rock, we actually walked hand and hand into Cafe Rio to actually enjoy a meal in a real restaurant!  Yes you can tell we probably need to get away more.  But I was seriously twitterpated with sparkly eyes and a slight hop in my step.... and with a very large tummy since Hailey was almost here!  I fell completely in love with my husband all over again.

I think having a date night can be at home when the kids are finally asleep.  The key is to make it a priority and make it happen.  I don't really expect for us to have a big deal date every weekend, but I think it's important to try to plan ahead and do something fun!

Many of my brothers and their wives make an effort to have a getaway overnight at least once or twice a year.  Some of them totally surprise their spouse, make all necessary arrangements, and just whisk them away!  I think this is really healthy when possible, and it's something I'd like to do someday!

Here's a list I put together of date ideas. Some of these are mega cheesy ones I got from www.thedatingdivas.com but you can make it simple and fun and fit your personalities.  Steve and I have loved the "travel from your home" idea.  My husband is a history major and I love learning about different cultures.  Since we don't have the money to really travel, once we "went" to France where I put out grape juice, cheeses, and fruits, put up pictures of Paris, watched a little youtube video about the country, learned lots of interesting facts, and then danced to French accordion music! Another thing we love to do is look through home magazines and dream about what we like/dislike and what we want our future home to be like.  We've also liked reading one of the Classics together.  I think we only got half way through, but it sure was fun to try :).  Enjoy doing something fun with your spouse this weekend!

Indoor Picnic: Have a picnic on the floor with blanket, lit candles, and maybe even play a CD of ocean sounds!  Since you’ll be indoors, try making hamburgers or grilling chicken.  End with playing a card game or other game like Yatzee.

Dessert for Two:  Make a homemade dessert together and eat it while watching a movie (with popcorn too of course and a yummy drink). 

At-home Spa Date: Give each other relaxing massages while playing beautiful/ classical music.  The wife could give her husband a full out pedicure and he could “try” to paint her nails.  Put on facemask treatments – basically use whatever “spa” items you have.  Eat yummy finger foods and appetizers. 

Dancing at Home:  Rent a movie from your local library that teaches you step by step how to dance together.  Or, just look up a tutorial video on youtube.  Country or ballroom dancing moves could be fun to learn!

Trip to DI: Go to Deseret Industries each with a certain amount of cash (like $5 each) and secretly buy a gift for each other.  It’s also fun just to browse the store together. 

Cuddle Up & Read: Choose a book to start reading together – like maybe a little each night. 

Recreate your First Date:  What were you wearing?  Where did you go?  What did you do or talk about?  You could even try to recreate in your very home.

Musical Night: Find out when a local high school is putting on their musical production or attend a low-cost concert open to the public. 

Git Fit: Exercise to a work-out video together. Then enjoy a protein shake or fruit smoothie afterwards.

Dream House: Sketch your dream-house floor plan and talk about the possibilities of each room.

Winter Snowman: Build a snowman together, then enjoy hot cocoa.

Spouse Sleepover:  Drag your mattress or air mattress into the family room.  Have treats, games, movies, and drinks just like you used to do when you were little.  For the game you could play “Cheez-it Scrabble” – the crackers each have a letter on them.  Wake up to breakfast in bed! 

“Pep Rally” Date: Have pizza and appetizers, listen to jock jams to pump you up, wear the school’s colors, and go to a local high school’s sporting event. 

Make life lists: A life list is when you sit down and brainstorm all of the things that you've never done which you'd like to do before you die. Things on the list can be as mundane and extraordinary as you want. Make your life lists separately and then share them; you'll be amazed how much you find out about each other.

Make Summer Plans: Plan where you want to travel and explore this spring/summer.  You could even buy your state map and mark where you’ve been and where you want to go.   Make sure you save your list!

Back to the ‘50s Date: Turn your kichen into a diner with burgers, fries, and shakes/malts.  You could even have a babble gum blowing contest and dance to ‘50s music.

Travel from your Home:  This fun date night can be done multiple times with different countries you are interested in.  All dates could include eating food from that country, learning interesting facts about the country, watching a movie based there or about it, printing off some pictures, watching a short youtube tour of that country or famous city, and maybe even dancing to their music!  It’s so fun to learn about different places!  Some examples would be:

Italy – homemade pizzas, play Andre Bocelli music, painting or making play dough sculptures

France – French bread, cheese, fruit, and sparkling apple juice, watching Ratatouille, dancing to French accordian music

Indoor Campout: When it’s too cold to campout, enjoy making tin foil dinners in the oven followed by making smores (with your oven broiler)!  If you’d like, you can go all out with the air mattress, glow in the dark stars, reading a book together, and burn a CD of outdoor noises for fun.

Dollar Date: Go to the dollar store and both spouses get to pick out one thing (and perhaps children).  Go to a fast food restaurant and order items from the dollar menu.  Then go to the dollar movies!



What have been some of your favorite dates?!  

Needs of Men vs. Women

During BYU Education Week, Dr. Stephen E. Lamb (author of Between Husband & Wife) gave an amazing lecture on marriage.  I found his lists of the top 5 marital needs of Men and Women to be very interesting:

Women’s Expectations/Needs in Marriage:

1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Trust & fidelity
4. Financial security
5. Family commitment

Men’s Expectations/Needs in Marriage:

1. Marital intimacy
2. Recreational companionship
3. Attractive wife
4. Domestic support
5. Praise and admiration

Paint the Barn

I remember hearing a boy say once that girls should “paint the barn,” using his exact words.  He was referring to girls putting on make-up, doing their hair, and trying to look their very best.  At the time, I remember being somewhat disgusted at this male chauvinist who thought it was a girl’s job to look nice for him all the time.  

So, I have learned that “painting the barn” and trying my best to look cute and to feel attractive for my husband is so valuable for us wives to understand.  I’m beginning to realize how important our appearance is to our dear husbands.  Click here to see husbands' top 5 needs in marriage.

Of course the inner beauty is essential too.  I love the idea of trying to look your very best in the morning and then walking away from that mirror and forgetting ourselves and focusing on others throughout the day.

Many days I feel like I’m just wearing the only clean shirt I could find, which means it’s definitely not cute, and I seem to often sport a pony tail.  Most mornings I’m just in survival mode getting the kids breakfast, changing their exploded diapers, and meeting their needs, that it takes a whole lot of effort and even a miracle to get myself ready.  But, it’s something I’m trying to work on even if that means not getting prettied up until the kids’ naps or while they are all with me in the bathroom even trying to throw things into my shower….

Just try it for a week to really make “painting the barn” a priority and you will realize how important it is!  

The Best Bedtime Stories

Many nights we’re just so anxious to tuck the kids in bed and check out for the day!  I LOVE when they are awake, and I LOVE when the house is quiet and they are asleep :).  So sometimes, I am keen on hurrying through the bedtime routines and finally having a moment to take a deep breath.  But, lately I am also discovering this magical time when my little boy is tucked in his cozy covers with all six stuffed animals all around his cute face.  He is actually still and ready to listen.  It seems like the perfect time for story telling.  For the last few weeks, I’ve been staying by his bedside to tell him a real-life story or two.  Here are some of the stories I have shared:

• Mommy and Daddy’s first date – a taco eating contest where he loves to say with a little baby voice that mommy ate only 2 and with his big, grunty voice that daddy ate 10 tacos!  He seems enchanted as he listens with a beaming smile at our dating stories and how much we love each other. 
• What we did that day while also asking him questions along the way.  I think this helps develop his vocabulary and also to remind him of all the good things he did.
• Cool stories from the scriptures.
• Strengths I see in him and a story that shows it.
• We talk, we laugh, and we share family stories that I think have great meaning.  

Stories that vividly describe what your family heritage is like, who you are, and who your child is - really create a strong sense of identity.  In other words, stories that depict who WE are as a family, who YOU are as their parent, and who THEY are as a child.  Stories that bring our children closer to Christ and to better understand His gospel - really have the greatest meaning.  Here's one of President Gordon B. Hinckley's treasured boyhood bedtime stories:

Placemats that Motivate!

Ok, nobody's table really looks like this, but I thought it was a pretty picture!

So, a long time ago my big brother Dave created a life creed which he typed up, laminated, and posted on the shower wall to read every day!  He brainstormed and dreamed about who he wanted to be and what he wanted to accomplish.  He witnessed the powerful impact of this visual reminder.

At the beginning of each school year or maybe each new year, I would love to let my kids brainstorm about what they want to accomplish that year and what personal attributes they want to work on.  Wouldn't it be so cool for every family member to create their own paper placemat full of pictures, words, and such of their goals for the year?!  Then, you could laminate them, and your children to be reminded of their identity and their goals at every meal!

You could also put up this yearly goal collage on their bedroom wall!

Training Kids to be Independent and Hard-Working

I was so inspired by Merrilee Boyack’s BYU Education Week class on training our children to be independent.  Here are some of my class notes, and you can refer to her book for many more details (especially her fabulous lists of what to teach children at every year of age).

John Rosemond (one of her favorite parenting psychologists and writers) said, “The ultimate goal of raising children is to help them out of our lives and into successful lives of their own…. Self-esteem is reflected in the CHILD’S belief that ‘I can do it myself.’”

So our big job as parents is to teach our children life skills, not only so they can be successful, independent people, but also so they gain a lasting confidence by believing that they can learn and do hard things.

So here’s some of Boyack’s principles of how to train our children:

1.  Introduce child to a task far in advance.  That way the child can begin to observe others doing the task and also so you hopefully get them excited or otherwise can gauge their reaction.
2. Next is the training period.  Be specific, maybe even use little note cards with simple directions for a certain task (i.e. For cleaning one’s bedroom: Put away items on your bed and dressers, hang up/fold all clothes, gather all dirty clothes, make sure floor and under the bed are cleared out, etc.)  Maybe even make two little pockets out of manilla folders for each child where you can place their note cards for “daily” and “weekly” chores.  Be patient and realize it takes about eight presentations to learn how to do something well.  Remember not to lavish too much praise.
3.  Then they practice and you check up on them (repeat over, and over).  Then you "pass them off" when they have sufficiently learned to do the task well.

Key ideas:

• If they can do it, try not to do it for them.  Yes many times it seems quicker if you just do the clean up, but we need to teach them to work.
• Use summers to invest in training because the school year can be hectic.  
• Vary WHO does the training – maybe your next door neighbor can teach your son how to tune up a bike, or grandpa can teach your daughter how to mow a lawn, or older siblings can teach younger ones how to clean a toilet, or their activity day leader can teach phone manners.  After age 14, you really need to utilize OTHERS who may have greater influence than parents.  For example, have a banker sit down and talk to your teenager about banking/checking accounts/credit cards.
• Tie passing off tasks to their interests.  So let’s say your 11 year old wants to babysit soon.  Have her first pass off all the needed skills to babysit (first aid, cpr, basic cooking, emergency phone numbers, etc).  Or let's say your 15 year old wants to soon buy his own car.  Have him first pass off necessary skills such as checking the oil, putting air in the tires, etc).  Decide on a timetable and put it on the calendar. 
• Sometimes use rewards after they master certain tasks.  You could use stickers or a date with mom or dad, or a fun gift.  But 90% of the time, they don’t get any "reward" – just the reward of earned self-esteem and accomplishment.  

Chugging Vegetables

I worry that Brayden might turn into a giant cracker.  Some times it feels like that's all he eats - especially when we are on the go.  We could not get Brayden to eat hardly any veggies (I couldn't get myself to eat them either, let's be honest). So, thanks to my sister-in-law Brittany’s suggestion, we tried out a juicer from costco and it is AMAZING!!! We throw in carrots, wheatgrass, spinach, lettuce, etc mixed with pears, apples, or other fruits and it actually tastes pretty yummy. And more importantly, Brayden and Hailey love it! And he thinks it's really fun to help make the juice. The other cool thing is you can take the extra pulp that comes out and throw it into stuff like spaghetti sauce or pancake mix to be more healthy.

What about Allowance!?

So many questions come up when figuring out what to do about money… Do you give allowance? How much? Do they have to earn it?  If so, how?  What if they expect you to give them money for doing chores, getting good grades, or practicing their instruments?  When do you start giving them money?  What if they want to buy things you don’t want them to buy? How do I teach my kids about appropriately managing money without teaching a sense of entitlement? …

There’s a lot of conflicting ideas out there and there’s definitely lots of different options and opinions.  My personal favorite ideas come from Merrilee Boyack’s book “The Parenting Breakthrough” which I highly recommend reading.  Here’s some of the basic notes I took while listening to her BYU Education Week class:

• We need to give children money so they can learn how to manage money (a training opportunity)
• Give monthly allowance from ages 5-12.  She paid them enough for them to learn but not enough to be happy.  Keep them poor :).  She gave $1 per year of age (so a 5 year old got $5 a month.  She gave them their allowance the first Saturday of every month, and then taught them that following Fast Sunday to pay their tithing.  For little kids, she would give one dollar bills and change. 
• Boyack doesn’t believe in paying kids for regular family chores (i.e. doing dishes) or self-care (i.e. cleaning up their room, etc).  We need to teach: “We are in a family and we work together and help each other take care of our home. No one gets paid for family work.”  I think I agree with this because wouldn’t kids likely gain a sense of entitlement and expect to be paid for all types of work? 
• However, Boyack does have “Money Chores” which are extra chores that you would like to get done (i.e. cleaning the baseboards, defrosting the freezer, etc).  This way they do have a way to earn more money.
• When it comes to micromanaging, she let them make their own decisions.  For example, we want our kids to learn from their own “mistakes” when they buy really cheap toys and they break the next day.  Or, to be sad when they blow all their money all at once and don’t have money later that month.  The point of all this is to learn lots from their mistakes while the price tag is low and well before they are ready for a credit card!  She did establish 2 rules 1. You can only buy one candy item each month and 2. You can't buy something that would distract from the Spirit of the home.
• End monthly allowance at age 12 and move to a yearly or bi-yearly "clothes allowance".  Let them make a list (maybe with your help) of what clothing they need for the new school year.  Give them that money allotment and they have to buy their own clothes.  This gives them the chance to learn about budgeting, how to save money, etc.  She added a caveat that you will probably have to buy their underwear and Sunday clothes! 
• Create your own family bank (a cool container, maybe spray paint it sparkly gold!).  Every now and then, have a “Matching Program” – so you could say to your 5 year old, “When you save $10 in the “bank,” you automatically get another $10!  We want saving to be absolutely delicious to them. Or sometime say “Okay, we’ve got a special going on at the bank right now - an “Interest Program.”  She had the interest money earned go towards mission/college so this money would go in a different account. She also has ideas about borrowing and loaning money.  I think she explains details in her book. 
• I also loved her idea for having “Monopoly Lessons” every now and then for FHE.  You gather all the monopoly and give them each their own big pile and then go through some different scenarios.  So they count up their money and then you start with Tithing.  They have to give 10% to the middle. Then you have a certain house payment, monthly insurance, utilities, clothing, misc, savings,… on an on until they run out of money and realize it takes lots of effort to not spend more than you earn!  I love that! 

Will My Child Ever Learn to Share?!

*info from “Positive Discipline” book  - read the book for more ideas!

Children under the age of 2 are egocentric – center of their own world and it's the “me” and “mine” stages.  This is not selfishness – it’s natural human development.  Everything in the world belongs to them and no amount of logic changes this perspective at the moment.  15 month olds are working on learning how to share but the process is far from complete.  Children this age need guidance and teaching (rather than “discipline”).  Provide solutions: finding another toy they can offer a friend, finding something else to do while they wait their turn, or showing ways they can both play with the toy together at the same time. 

By age 2-2 ½ they can begin to do it on their own but don’t expect consistency! Possessiveness and ownership are normal steps before the ability to share gradually begins around the ages of 3 or 4.  Meanwhile:

• -           Begin teaching the process of sharing without expecting your child to understand.  Kindly and firmly remove an item that belongs to someone else or that she can’t have, without lecturing or shaming. 
• -           Model sharing.  Give your child bites of a special treat.  Offer to let him hold something that is yours.  Play trading games with him.  “What do you want to share with me while I share this with you?”  Pretending with stuffed animals is another way sharing can be modeled and practiced.
• -           Also support your child’s need to possess. At times, help older children find another toy to play with. Or say “I know that’s your favorite toy.  Which of your toys would you be willing to share for a while?”  Acknowledge children’s feelings.  Empathy eases the pain and paves the way to later acceptance of sharing by saying “It’s hard to share.  You really wanted that. I have faith that you will share when you are ready.” 
• -           Sharing is a skill that must be taught and practiced  (over and over again), so explore with children the possibilities of words to use when learning to share.  

Brain Development 24-36 Months

24-36 Months
*info from zerotothree.org, endorsed by the AAP

*This section will be brief since I feel like there was a lot of overlap from the previous section 18-24 Months

SOCIAL EMOTIONAL: 2 year olds are still highly involved with their emerging sense of self.  While older toddlers have more interest in their peers than they did at 18 months, they are still most interested in pleasing themselves and cannot yet understand another child’s perspective. It is not unusual for toddlers at this age to be verbally and physically aggressive in their play with objects and peers.  Along with this self-interest comes the continued development of their emotions, which mainly appear in the form of rage and defiance.  They begin to feel shame, anxiety, and continue to develop emotions of fear, pleasure, pride, and joy.  It is not unusual for them to express anger and frustration by hitting, kicking, shoving, or biting.  Some may not yet have the words they need to express their feelings and frustrations.  2-3 years olds are still far from mastering control of their impulses although there has been improvement from the past.  Catching problems before they fully emerge helps you guide their behavior.  2 year olds are also figuring out their gender roles. 

What you can do: Pay attention to their nonverbal cues and communication to help them connect words with feelings/actions such as angry, upset, happy, sad.  Acknowledge their feelings such as “I see you are angry.  It is okay to be angry, but it is not okay to hit.”  Offer a variety of strategies that your child can use in frustrating situations, especially words, gestures, and asking for help.  Try not to think of the child as “good” or “bad,” or “cooperative” or not.  Try to show your acceptance even as you redirect unacceptable behavior. 

Brain Development 18-24 Months

18-24 months

*info from zerotothree.org, endorsed by the AAP

LANGUAGE: Toddlers vary greatly in their paths to understanding and using language.  The number of words a toddler uses between this time is related to many factors, such as whether the toddler is a boy or a girl, outgoing or shy, part of a small or large family, just to name a few.  It is not unusual for many girls to be ahead of boys in their use of words and expressive language skills.  Also, toddlers who use more words and are more “talkative” are more social and outgoing.  Toddlers who cannot clearly hear the speech and language that surrounds them also may produce fewer words.  Frequent ear infections and even a mild hearing loss may lead to language delays.  Early identification and intervention of language difficulties or delays will help put toddlers back on a healthy developmental pathway. Somewhere between 18-24 months, most toddlers say around 50 words.  Some will say more words earlier and some may not produce 50 words until closer to 24 months, yet all are within a range of “normal” development.  The important things is that the number of words a toddler says increases.  Shortly after a toddler begins using about 50 words, a vocabulary explosion occurs.  She begins adding several new words to her spoken vocabulary every day.  Another advance during the 18-24 month period is when toddlers begin putting two words together.  Some begin doing this as early as 14-15 months and others as late as 24-26 months (any concerns should be evaluated).  It is important to understand that children’s brains continue to be maximally open to learning language until at least 4 or 5 years of age, so even if an 18-24 month old toddler is saying very few words, there is still plenty of time for early intervention and a stimulating verbal environment to influence his developing language skills.  Observe whether he understands what is said to him and what he is asked to do, and whether he continues to produce new words on a steady basis.

FINE MOVEMENT: Fine motor skills involve the many small muscles in the fingers, hands, and wrists – muscles over which the toddler is very slowly but surely gaining more control and coordination (through practice and brain development). 

GROSS MOVEMENT:  Movement is extremely important to most toddlers’ sense of well being, particularly in the 12-24 month period.  When adults limit toddlers’ movement by confining them to seats or cramped areas, they are likelier to become irritable, restless and throw a tantrum.  They need the freedom to move about indoors and outside – to explore their surroundings, refine their coordination, gain confidence in moving their bodies through space, release some of the energy that keeps them on the go, and develop new motor skills such as funning, jumping, and climbing. 

COGNITION & LEARNING: Toddlers at this age are beginning to understand that symbols stand for objects and things that they experience.  For example, they are able to look at pictures of family members and recognize a specific person without confusing the picture with the actual person.  You might see the toddler in pretend play saying “hello” on a toy telephone or pretending to eat a plastic apple.  This type of symbolic play is still in its early stages and serves as the base for building more complex fantasy play.  As toddlers move through their 2^nd year, their emerging ability to think symbolically will take second seat to more basic sensory and motor experiences, such as pouring and sifting sand and climbing through tunnels.  Toddlers at this stage are still primarily learning through hands-on experiences.  They need to experience things for themselves.  Providing toddlers with a variety of sensory, motor, and pretend play opportunities is a great way to support their development and doesn’t require that you “teach” them.  The memory of their sensory experiences can last for a surprisingly long time.  Music also boosts memory.  Songs, rhythms and chants seem to linger in young children’s minds especially well.  Toddlers’ memories are quite good over the short term, but their sense of time largely remains undeveloped, making it difficult for them to remember when a particular event took place.  In other words, the details of certain events seem to be more memorable than the timing of events. 

SOCIAL EMOTIONAL: Around 18 months, toddlers display signs that they are developing an awareness of self.  “Me” and “Mine” appear often in the toddlers speech.  They often are possessive and constantly claim many objects and toys as their own.  This shows their awareness of themselves as a distinct person and also their growing independence and autonomy.  Once you think of their possessiveness in terms identity and autonomy, it becomes easier to understand them.  Once toddlers have been allowed to become more secure in knowing what is and is not theirs, they begin to more readily consider sharing with others.  Self-control also begins to emerge at this age which plays a role in learning to share.  Self-control comes with time and brain maturation, and in particular, development of the frontal lobes of the brain.  It is also important to keep in mind that toddlers have more trouble stopping actions than starting ones.  Telling a toddler to “stop” is less effective than helping him start an alternative action.  Rather than saying “stop running,” say, “walk slowly.”  Transitions are another challenge for toddlers.  They have trouble anticipating and making transitions.  It is very important to give toddlers a heads up that a change is coming and provide predictable routines that help them know what comes next.  For example, you could tell them that diapering/toileting always happens after snack and mealtimes.  Using songs for activities like cleaning and washing up and other cues can also be very helpful for preparing toddlers for change.  They also need help remembering the steps needed to complete a task (may forget in the middle of a task what they set out to do). 

What you can do: Try to really understand what your child is saying.  Encourage their expression and don’t speak for them.  Talk with your toddlers.  One of the most important things you can do with your toddlers is to be an active language partner.  Make a special effort to talk with your toddler who is shy or quiet, even if it means you are taking part in a one-sided conversation – describe what he’s doing and keep the door to conversation open.  Repeat, expand, or restate what your toddler says.  This lets him know that you are listening and trying to understand what he says.  Read to them every day.  Tell stories from your culture, history and family experiences.  Use language play: rhymes, finger plays, poems, and songs that you read, recite, or make up.  Provide easels and areas where toddlers can stand while drawing or writing with pencils, crayons, or paintbrushes.  Provide toys/materials that foster fine motor skills such as: crayons, dolls and clothes, paper, puzzles, pencils, play dough, snap together blocks, small blocks, small toy figures and cars, and a water-sand table.  Provide eating utensils for self-feeding and opportunities to self-serve snacks and drinks.  Let toddlers watch you writing or drawing a picture since observation is a powerful teaching tool.  Allow toddlers to turn the pages of books as you read with them and offer a variety of books.  Provide plenty of opportunities to practice large motor skills, both indoors and outside.  Provide materials for building forts and other indoor play structures.  Make safe obstacle courses to play on.  Encourage exploration in an environment that offers a variety of sensory experiences.  Provide props for pretend play.  Resist pressure from others to “teach” toddlers specific academic skills such as colors and shapes.  They will learn these readily if you refer to them in the course of your natural daily conversations.  Example: “Do you want a red apple or a green apple?” Model pro-social, sharing behavior in your everyday encounters with others.  Be understanding and tolerant in your expectations of sharing.  Initiate games of sharing and turn taking.  Understand that they are less willing to be compliant when they are tired or not feeling well.  Use distraction and redirection to calm or avoid disputes. Create predictable routines and rituals to help toddlers with transitions.  

Brain Development 12-18 Months

12-18 Months
*Info from zerotothree.org, endorsed by the AAP

LANGUAGE: Between 13 and 20 months, a toddler’s brain becomes ever more focused in the way it responds to words.  This change allows speech to be processed more rapidly and thus makes it possible for toddlers to better understand what is being said to them.  It is natural for toddlers to understand much more of what is being said to them than they are yet able to say on their own. Beginning around 12 months, those streams of babbling you have been listening to gradually transform into a toddler’s first “words.” By about 18-20 months, toddlers may be speaking anywhere from 20-50 words, with an explosion of words soon to follow! It is important to remember that some toddlers may say no words at all before 18 months.  Toddlers can be very different in terms of when they speak their first words, put two words together, and begin to speak in sentences.  This difference is normal, and is not a sign of the amount of language each child understands.  Through practice, they become aware of the power of language to both gather information and communicate their needs.  When older children are asked to use their words – instead of hitting or taking another’s toy – your conversations will help them learn how to put those feelings and needs into words.  Even when you do not always understand what they are saying, you can listen, make eye contact, and respond as best you can.  This will send them the message that what they have to say is important, and it will encourage them to continue communicating.  Research suggests that talking with toddlers influences vocabulary.  The more words a toddler hears while engaged in “conversations” will increase her vocabulary faster.  It is important to understand that listening to the TV, or your conversations with other adults, will not do the job.  The best support for this kind of language growth is talking directly with toddlers about things that they find meaningful, especially their own actions, feelings, and attempts to speak.  You do not need to do anything extraordinary, just talk with them by pointing out and labeling objects, people, and activities that surround them in their daily lives. 

MOVEMENT: As babies take those first steps, you may notice that their walking movements are stiff and clumsy: They lift their knees high and step down with the front part of the foot hitting the ground first.  By age 2, however, you will notice that they begin to step more smoothly, landing first with the heal and moving to the toe.  This improved ease and coordination of step is influenced by practice and also in part by the continuing myelination of the brain’s motor pathways.

COGNITION & LEARNING: By 12 months, an area of the brain called the hippocampus – referred to as the seat of memory and located at a point in the brain roughly between the ears – has matured enough for toddlers to recall actions and events that occurred a few hours, or even a day, earlier.  This means that they have the potential to learn from what they have seen others do.  You may demonstrate the use of a particular toy, such as banging on a musical instrument or placing a peg in a hole.  While he may not repeat the action immediately, he may display it in some form at a later time.  Around 12 months, a toddler’s thinking become more complex.  They will spend time using objects as tools. If you give them a stick, they may use it to try to get an out-of-reach toy.  Toddlers are aware that if they pull on a string attached to a toy, the toy will move in the direction it is being pulled.  So pull toys are very popular for this age.  Toddlers also will begin to experiment with objects to see what they will do.  For example, they’ll throw a ball and see that it bounces and then throw a doll to see what it will do.    

SOCIAL EMOTIONAL: Consider the level of frustration toddlers face daily.  It can stem from the fact that they are still developing language skills, and thus may have a hard time expressing their needs, desires and emotions, or from being unable to do or have something they want.  The 12-18 month period is a time when inhibition, or controlling behavior, is just beginning to take hold.  For example, a toddler might “know” that biting is unacceptable but may be unable to override the initial desire to bite.  They are notoriously poor at controlling their impulses.  This inhibition is probably a function of the brain’s frontal lobes, which undergo a great deal of maturation during this period.  They can begin to learn to control some of their more inappropriate behaviors, including biting, hitting, and screaming, when they are consistently shown how to do so.  Example: “No Tommy, you can’t hit Joe, but you can tell him your still playing with your toy.”  Toddlers can sometimes restrain themselves when told “no,” although they also will want to test their limits.  When they are tired, hungry, or upset, tantrums are more likely because it is especially difficult for them to control themselves.  Still, not all toddler outbursts can be avoided.  In  fact, experiencing frustration and tantrums is an important process for toddlers, because it teaches them how to cope with and get through difficult situations. By identifying and acknowledging and toddler’s feelings, the toddler will be able to develop trust in you and that you will be available in times of need. 

What you can do: Make eye contact when talking (face to face).  Talk about and describe the things they see and hear in the world around them.  Talk about what they are doing as they are doing it.  Talk about what you are doing.  Toddlers love repetition.  Repeat favorite songs, thymes, and stories.  Expand on what your toddler is saying by labeling objects, actions, feelings, and such. Show your interest and excitement at his attempts to communicate.  Provide toys that can be pushed and pulled such as toy shopping carts, strollers, small wagons, and riding toys.  Provide plenty of safe low places for climbing under, over, inside, on top of, and around.  Place some of their favorite toys in different parts of the room and ask them to bring the toys back to you.  Observe your toddler in play and follow his interests.  Also provide opportunities for toddlers to play with interesting and challenging materials.  Objects that will encourage toddlers manipulate, interact, or figures something out include blocks, puzzles, water and sand play, and props for pretend play.  But don’t overload the play environment with too many toys/activities.  Keep some put away and rotate what they play with periodically.  Allow yourself to be a “secure base” from which a toddler can set off to explore or return to for comfort and emotional refueling before moving out to explore once again.  Provide a variety of manipulative materials such as buckets to fill and dump, wooden blocks, puzzles, cooking utensils, and pots and pans.  Allow toddlers to make limited choices between two appropriate options.  They will delight in the opportunity to decide.  Focus on the process of play, not the final product.  It is nice to see a painted picture or a completed tower of blocks, but the most important learning takes place during the process!  Allow toddlers to make mistakes – they serve as learning opportunities.  Offer tools – language in the form of words, gestures, or asking for help – for them to use in frustrating situations as these skills and behaviors of self-control develop.  State clear consequences in relation to the toddler’s behavior such “You may not take the toy car from Mark, but you may tell him, ‘I want my turn now.’ If you take the car from him, I will not let you play with it.”  Try to show your acceptance of the toddler even as you redirect “unacceptable” behavior.  For example, by telling her that you still love her even though I don’t like the behavior.